Fuck.

Hey,
So.. I lost a bunch of weight right? And then I was like 'fuck yes' and stopped. And then life continued. and then I fucking slowly just fucking gained fucking weight again and now I'm fucking hideous looking.
Today was my first shift at a new job. All I ever usually wear is loose dresses.. So my weight doesn't bother me in those. And I had to wear a t-shirt and shorts. I wore my original 'fat' shorts. THEY'RE FUCKING TIGHT. They give me the worst muffin top and I look fucking horrible. I'm too fat to wear t-shirt and shorts!! FUCK THIS I NEED TO BE THIN.
So how do I do it? I'm not sure if I can remember.. Don't eat? Maybe eat a little? Calories low? Mmmkay. I'll keep them fucking.. Fuck. NO JUNK FOOD. Only salads and vegies and fruit and no butter or salt or oil or anything and no snacking and no accepting food from my boyfriend. Cool.
Calories are gonna be ... under 500! I CAN DO IT. And when I start working properly I'll go to Zumba. But I can't afford it right now. Yeah.. I'm too poor. Walks in the morning? Fuck that means waking up early.. Okay it's worth it. To be thin. Of course it is.
Deal. I promise myself I will lose weight.