Quickly.

(banana - 90
chai - 30) - breakfast
(baby food - 60
carrot - 20) - lunch
(mushrooms & rice - 120) - dinner
= 320
coolies. that'll be my food for tomorrow.
TODAY I did well, I had:
small bit of chickpea salad - 85
carrot and ginger soup - 50
chai - 100
blueberries - 15
baby food - 50
steamed vegies - 100
= 400 :)

It's been a while.

I haven't posted in a fricking while, wow. Sorry.. I just haven't had much to say. And I've been so busy and stressed.
Okay this is exactly how I feel: I want to sit down for a day, have no one call me or talk to me. Have no thoughts, no pains, no responsibilities. Just relax. I've been so stressed..
Mumma dearest is BACK. We just went grocery shopping, picked up some cool shit, my favourites new thing being.......... Pomengranate white tea - 70 calories for the bottle! AND sesame snaps mini pack - 50 cals each pack.. Coooolies. Oh and I found these baby food pouches that are delicious and 50 calories in one. Perfect! Oh and I got two new books: A Clockwork Orange & One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
I also watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose and The Blair Witch Project with a friend, that was really good.
My head is like going ow ow ow. I think it hates me - because of late I've been kind to it with nutrients and water! I baked banana bread, like fucking health banana bread. It's got no fat or sugar, and dairy free. It's got oats, honey, bananas, chia seeds, applesauce, walnuts, high fiber soymilk and flour. That's it - yet it tastes amazing. I must bake more! Yay, but I think I'll add some dates.. Or blueberries. I almost got stonedon friday, but was like - nah... I won't coz I had to go home anyway.
I don't think that I want to be so self centered anymore. It's ridiculous, and I thought I was better than that. I spent friday night at my father's house, we got into a fight about my freedom after he had a spazz about me watching Dexter because apparently it's too violent for me.
I used to be so........ Oh my gosh. I wish I could explain my brain. But I can't. There's too much that I'm thinking but it's so difficult to tell. I just am forever fighting to be happy, and it sorta feels like happiness should come without effort. And every time I'm happy I'm just worried about how long that will last.
Have you ever worried that you might eat too much and die? Like, your body won't know what to do with the food and will just die? Your stomach can hold 4 liters of food, what if you ate more?? Some girl died from that.. she ate 5.6 liters of food before her stomach ruptured. She had anorexia and was binging. Sometimes I'm worried that I'm going to damage my organs from too much food.
I wish ever so much that I was a cat, they have the best lives. They just laze around and get fed and patted and stuff. AND they have 9 lives.
I've switched to oat milk, apparently soymilk has weird hormones in it that can make you fat, so my point is that this morning I had it with my weet bix, and boy was that weird. IT was like a mix between porridge and weet bix. I found some old photos of my father / brother, they are really lovely pictures. I think I'm allergic to something, I've been getting this thing where my stomach bloats out heaps and it's really really painful. I've had it recently a few times, maybe it's lactose intolerance from being vegan. In fact I've had it all day, and now I'm drinking peppermint tea to calm my stomach. I'm going to this crazy rave festival soon, it's called Dragon Dreaming, I am so excited!
Hmm.. You don't even know.
O_o

zzzzzzzzzz

I'm tired so this is going to be very short.
Intake:
High fiber cereal + vanilla soymilk - 150
Banana - 90
Avocado + tomato + lettuce on mega grain bread - 220
Carrot - 20
Fatfree Mango Yoghurt - 70
Some stew thing with rice - 200
Leftover noodles - 100
= 850
:)
that is all.

Today was good.

I found my knitting! And I need to finish this! :) I'm about to read Nancy Drew.

Nancy Drew

Okay, you know that book 'Wintergirls'? It kinda sucks. No offence if you like it, but the story was boring and sucky and didn't go anywhere. Today we had to do high jump in Pe and I can not say I enjoyed it one bit, It's not that I'm necessarily a bad jumper - it's just that I psych myself out and screw up. I had figure skating today again, I absolutely love it but today I just couldn't get it. Last week I was really good and everything was easy and came naturally, today took a lot of effort.

My best friend texted me at 8am this morning telling me that she was scared that her dad was about to hit her, she sort of ran away today and is staying at our other friend's house. Thing about that friend is that she used to be MY best friend, and for some reason she's not anymore and I don't know why..

I've been REALLY obssessed with clear skin. I mean, I've always had such naturally clear soft skin, but I've been looking up every different food to eat for good skin. Drinking coffee probably isn't helping me, but I can't deal without it, I just NEED a coffee in the morning.

I've decided I'm gonna bake banoffee cupcakes, they sound interesting eh? They're like banana, coffee and toffee cupcakes - it's kinda crazy.

Banoffee Pie, weird.

The scab on my wrist where I burnt my skin cooking shortbread in cafe class has been picked at, by me. And is now constantly hurting - especially when I bend my wrist. I know I shouldn't but I love to play with blood, and I love scars, no idea why.

I'm happy. Isn't that nice? I hope you guys are too, okay now I'm going to reply to your comments coz I'm a terrible replier.. But seriously, I was feeling down but now I'm happy much happier. I seriously just want a good weekend of coffee and breakfast and watching The Sword in the Stone.

I'm kind of glad to go back to my own home, I miss the gym and I miss grocery shopping (haha I'm so lame), no but seriously grocery shopping is like really exciting for me. I have a gazillion lists on my phone of stuff to buy when grocery shopping, coz it's fun to find new things.

I've realised that my problem when I get to school is that EVERYWHERE I go somebody is eating something. So I just need a bunch of low cal food rather than say two higher calorie 'meal' items. So like.. seaweed (10), carrot (20), fruit (blah blah), fatfree yoghurt - 70... :)

I want to do a fast, I love doing them - I've been avoiding them for a few reasons, those being that I'm boring and irritable and tired when I don't eat. But it feels so good. Also I don't want to fuck up metabolism too much. So I may just do a small one, and then a raw food diet for a few days.

*Weird tips of the day - when binging (not that you should be), eat foods with a high fiber content - like seriously.. If you eat a bunch of cake, it's gonna like sit in your body for a few days, unleashing it's fatty horrible bloated feeling inside you. If you eat a bunch of porridge, you'll most likely shit it out the next day - trust me, it's much better. Besides, we binge because of lack of nutrients and our bodies are like "holy shit bro get me some nutrients what is this SHIT?????!" So, give it some - as much as you may want some crap, try and have something better for you.

Intake was ton loads better today!!

Intake:

Fiber lift cereal + vanilla soy milk - 150

Carrot - 20

Avocado + tomato + lettuce sandwich on mega grain bread - 220

Nofat Sticky date yoghurt - 70

Banana - 90

Steamed vegies - 120

= 670 

:) coooooool. goodnight cherub children. (lolwhat?)

<3

I like apple pie, and you like banoffee.

I realised that I'm a fag hag. Ohhh yeah.
Some guy has a thing for me, he's a bit euch.
I want to sleep forever.
I love love love black coffee.
I usually hate chicken, but I've been craving satay, butter & apricot chicken.
The Sword in the Stone is SO underrated as a Disney film.
I noticed that when a boy's taken, suddenly I'm so much more interested.

Shame on me.

Fuck it. Again?
Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
3 bowls of cereal - 500
2 rice cakes with peanut butter and jam - 150
muesli bar - 110
apple - 70
seaweed - 10
fatfree yoghurt - 70
oriental noodles - 250
half packet wafers - 300
half a finger bun - 150
half a spinach and cheese pastry - 200
handful of gummy lollies - 150
bowl of curry and rice - 300
4 jatz with peanut butter and honey - 100
= 2360
aw shit. Okay well I've calmed down now, I'm okay. I can do this! Someone please like yell at me? Haha. If you're in a bad mood then I'm here and ready.
I'm drinking black coffee, it's like 10pm. Ha, I am NOT going to get any sleep. Oh well, goodnight then.
Hope whoever's reading is doing well (and by that I mean at least better than me!)

Everything cool.

A few notes on these.

Most were taken from my friend's blog, however none are originals therefore I feel fine re-blogging them. A lot  are of hot guys, that's because said friend who posted them is a gay guy. I do not promote smoking, I'm actually against it, but these photos are cool.

<3

All I ate.

2 bowls of cereal (with a banana and milk)
1 cupcake
handful of shape biscuits
spoon of brownie batter
2 digestive biscuits
1 bowl potato and leek soup
1 1/2 freddo frogs
2 pieces garlic pizza (small, thin)
3 corn cakes with peanut butter
roast veggies
1 hot chocolate
2 jatz crackers
Isn't it terrible? I've worked it out to be about 2100 calories. It was my binge - but I totally could have gone for more. I was on a BINGE (ie - out of control, but technically that amount of food really isn't that much, in fact it's normal for a lot of kids my age considering we're growing - it's that FEELING you get), but luckily I was at my friend's house (had a sleepover last night, we watched the election for our government - it still hasn't been decided and it's a hung parliament!! I hope to god liberal doesn't win), and up until the freddo that was basically the same as what she ate too.. We baked brownies, but I didn't have any, just ate some batter.. And it was just like friends hanging out and eating, as they do. But I was hung-er-ee (in a binge sorta way). And then I had rehearsal and bought a choc there, and then I got back home (to my neighbours) and had some corn cakes and garlic pizza out of the fridge. Then there was dinner.. (roast veggies) and the a hot choc. But I wanted more, but I literally could not have anymore due to me not being at home and all. I was so annoyed at the time, but now I'm very glad and the feeling has passed. Seriously, some advice - next time you want to binge try these (even if you don't want to at the time). Take a vitamin, drink 2 glasses of water and wait 10 minutes. Then have a black coffee and finish it completely, no cookies (or cake) with it. If you still want food after that, even take a nap. Sleeping always makes the feeling pass for me, OR put yourself in a position where you can't. Like get a friend to meet you for coffee, or get a friend to go out to a meal with you, which sounds kinda bad, but if you know you're going to binge anyway, how about have a good meal that you have to control and eat slowly and have to wait for the meal ;)

Our prime-ministerial candidates...

I've become addicted to coffee, I NEED it, everyday.
Ummm yeah, I went to my friend's gig Friday night, she was amazing, the rest of the bands were average, a friend and I decided that it sounds like Foxtel menu music (if you know what that is haha), a few of my friends got really stoned before hand, so we all went to maccas, my best friend (who is usually vegan) ate 2 big macs and a large fries and a coke. That's around 1500 calories. Wow. wow wow wow. And she didn't care. I wish I had that kind of none caringness. Speaking of Foxtel (it's like cable tv basically), me and my friend spent all morning watching it, was awesome. Now I'm going to watch some DEXTER - ooooh yeah!
Kay, not much else to say - yesterday wasn't much better in terms of calories but yeah.
Sorry if I haven't been replying to comments of late - I've been so busy. Will soon ;)
Hope you guys (whoever you are :P) are doing fantastical, coz I don't know if I am, we'll see.
Ciao <3
PS: Here's a note I wrote on the bus so that I could write it on here later:
"So I'm sitting on the bus, and I looked at this one girl and in my head I started to judge her as a person, based on her hair, body and outfit. But then I thought 'wait, nobody on this bus is sitting here judging me for how I'm dressed, we're all JUST people - that's it. Why would I be any better than her? Yes, maybe I could be - in terms of personality, but I certainly DON'T know her personally in the slightest, so how can I say I am??'"

40 hours without food, for charity.

It is now the 40 hour famine! http://www.worldvision.com.au/40hourfamine.aspx
The idea is that you give up a comfort that you have for 40 hours and people sponsor you and raise money for the people who don't HAVE those comforts. Usually you give up food or sleep, but it can be anything that people would sponsor you for; I have a friend giving up electronics, I have another friend giving up sitting down. I personally am giving up food, but it does worry me - I used to fast all the time, it was like a necessity. I don't think it's a good habit for me, I'm better of being in control of the foods that I am eating rather than abstaining from completely. I don't know how I'm gonna manage this 40 hour famine, I don't know if I can really, being at my neighbour's house and all. I'll see how I go.
Okay so yesterday morning I stepped on the scale and I was 58.7 kilos, 1 kilo point one more than yesterday, I was about to actually freak out and then I thought - 'Wait, 1 kilo of fat = 7700 calories, I definitely didn't overeat by 7700 calories, so how much fat have I actually gained?? So I ate... 1500 calories, and my basal is 1400, and I walked for over an hour. So.. I gained nothing - it's just water weight.'
See my logic? See how utterly silly it would be for me to freak out every time the scale went up, and as expected - after a good poop (too much info I know), it was back down to 57.6kg this morning.
I thought my entire life would suddenly be better if I lost weight, but now I'm not so sure? I don't know how I'm meant to feel!!!
<3

Am I Happy?

I feel.. kind of off - not sad, but I am? I don't really understand how I'm feeling, it's like this unconscious sadness, I'm using all my strength to repress it, in fact I feel this way rather often. I feel like I'm just waiting for something to end, for something good to happen, but I don't know what it is. I just went to a gig, it was boring and cold. There were 'old' friends there.. and my usual group. We all got maccas coz a few of them were stoned, I was invited, but I feel as if I'm dis-including myself, and I don't want to be, but I don't want to join them a lot. I had a black coffee at maccas, it surprised me how good it was - learn something new everyday. A boy kissed me, he was flirting with me all night and then kissed my hand and said "next time it'll be the lips, or maybe this time!" and he pulled me in and then kissed me, it was a bit sleazy but whatever. It was kinda nice. This guy that I've ALWAYS been on-off with was there too, we haven't been that way in a while, but I feel as though we're almost about to slip into that pattern, but we're friends again and I'm really happy that way. THEN there was this guy that has been sorta flirting on me, and we keep making plans to go out but we both forget about it. So yeah - guy's night for me...
In other news, we decorated cupcakes today. Butter icing, m&ms, choc freckles, jelly lollies - all there for the taking, in fact being GIVEN to me to eat. and I didn't eat any.
I have to work tomorrow.. bleh. Oh well. Goodnight! <3
Lily is making me feel a bit better.

Chai Tea is the best thing ever.

The lovely Miranda Kerr showed off her fine physique
 as she partook in a New Victoria's Secret campaign.

Today was not a good day.
I did not binge - I actual never binge anymore, I just always go over.
So up until the end of school my count was at about 600, and that's fine. I'd have like 200 for dinner and everything would be cool. But of course I have a life (friends). We went to the shops and I bought a jelly slurpy from the asian grocery (90 cals) and was gonna stick to that. Then my friend bought an 8 pack of muesli bars for 2 dollars and the other one bought bread and I had some muesli bars and bread.. and then we went to some comedy show thing at one of favourite cafes, it was very interesting but friends ordered WEDGES (mm..) and so yeah. I kept it to about 1500 for the day I think. I don't have a very clear idea of what it ended up being though. I did have dinner because that's unavoidable, and I had a chai tea with soy milk and honey, but it was so good that I'm not exactly worried about that. I can't believe I lived before chai. Chai chai chai.
The thing we saw at the cafe was actually REALLY informative, the guy kind of talked about some scientifical effects and theories and stuff that I found rather interesting and stuff. Here's some links to some stuff which I thought was cool. :)
http://www.damninteresting.com/unskilled-and-unaware-of-it
http://www.fortunecity.com/roswell/callanish/39/3christs/3christs.htm
So what else? I have Alice in Wonderland pajamas, they're amazing. I love love love them. I'm decorating cup cakes tomorrow, hope I don't need to eat any. I might be going to this awesome hippie festival that's on soon! I got some new books to read. I bought some more seaweed snacks. Election for government on this Saturday! ME and a friend are having an election party. 40 hour famine this weekend! No food for a worldly cause! And we're doing it together! Wooooooo! Okay, I'm boring today - byeee.

Binges - hope this helps.

I read about something recently which made me realise a reason that we possibly binge!
Serotonin, it's a chemical that is released into the brain by eating certain foods. 'Serotonin is responsible for us feeling happy, relaxed, calm, motivated, and at peace with our lives and our role in the world'. It keeps us happy, when it's not being released enough we become depressed. We also become insomniacs, as serotonin is responsible for regular sleep as well. AND serotonin keeps appetite at bay. Dieters usually have low levels of serotonin due to (obviously) dieting. So when we start to binge, we suddenly get that happy feeling we've been missing and then we're up shit creek without a paddle!
'Serotonin is synthesized from tryptophan in the presence of adequate vitamins B1, B3, B6, and folic acid. The best food sources of tryptophan include brown rice, cottage cheese, meat, peanuts [perhaps that's why I always binge on PB O_o], and sesame seeds'. (Also yoghurts have tryptophan too)
'Low serotonin levels cause intense refined carbohydrate cravings that are very difficult to ignore.  In particular, these food cravings trigger impulse eating that is difficult to control with willpower alone.   Exercising willpower and determination becomes difficult because :)your emotions make you feel "What’s the use, even if I lose weight I’ll only gain it back anyway.  I’ll always be fat."  You give up because you feel you are fighting a losing battle.  Basically, low serotonin levels attack your ability to "just say no".  It is quite common for obesity to trigger low serotonin levels, which in turn triggers a vicious cycle of food cravings and weight gain.'



SO, my conclusion is, try including those foods in your meals, and take a vitamin b complex!
(Also, never look up cottage cheese in google images, image may disturb you)
http://www.weightloss-dietfree.com/serotonin-level.html
http://www.fi.edu/learn/brain/proteins.html
http://arthritisalternativetreatment.com/2010/07/serotonin-our-natural-prozac-help-stabilize-moods-and-reduce-pain/
I had baked beans for dinner - 250, and then half a cherry ripe, coz I was craving chocolate - 80. 
On another note, I love making lists - it's so enjoyable, so I made a list of stuff to buy. Popcorn (health food style), peppermint green tea, parsnips, green beans, spaghetti squash, lime marmalade,cinnamon raisin bagels, berries, seaweed snacks (7 cal), bottled oolong tea (0 cal), almond milk (60 cal per cup).

Trippin'

Abbey Lee Kershaw

Today was so cold. oh my god freezing rainy wind. I was shown the most awesome thing ever today!
http://www.neave.com/strobe/
Click it, stare at the center of it for 30 seconds and then look at your hands, or whatever! IT'S LIKE TRIPPING ON MAGIC MUSHROOMS - and that's from experience.
Anyway, after school me and some friends grabbed some Turkish bread with hummus and went to our local cafe / gallery - it's very.. hippie. We also got some chai tea and a lollipop each. We just chilled on the couches and did some homework, I don't regret it - it's not a binge, I felt very in control, it was a choice to hang out with my friends and enjoy some food. So I did. Yum. Deeeeee-licious. I can't wait till my period is over - sigh.. So annoying. I weighed myself in clothes (jeans, shirt, jumper) in the afternoon with my period and I was STILL under 60 - that's awesome. I had the best black coffee this morning, it was truly amazing. I love coffee.

Miranda Kerr

Intake:
Fiber plus cereal + vanilla soy - 150
mandarin - 30
pasta - 200
no-fat vanilla yoghurt - 70
bread - 50
lollies - 50
mandarin - 30
bread - 200
lollies - 50
= 820
ooooooh underestimation again.
OH and you know what else is mad? http://www.neave.com/television/
That. Just click through channels, it's like hours of entertainment. :)

I have rehearsal in like 1 hour, and I'm hung-er-ree. hahaa. I need some sustainability for rehearsal. What to eat? The people who I'm living with are not home. Hmmmm.
Okay well, yeah goodbye!
<3

Arctic Zero

Oh wow, when did my blog become so popular? Not that I'm not pleased, I'm thrilled - it's nice to know someone cares haha. SO HEY GUYS. How's it going?
I have come across the best thing ever. Like.. ever. Okay maybe not ever. but you know.

ICE CREAM that is 150 calories per PINT (1 US pint = 0.473176473 litres) .
Okay, so maybe the ingredients aren't exactly 'cream' filled. But whatever. It's apparently sorta like a frozen protein shake, and protein is TONS important considering hair is approximately 91% protein, and without it our muscles diminish.. and muscles sorta keep metabolism going. Here's an article about the ice cream :)
http://www.yummydietfood.com/2010/08/arctic-zero-low-calorie-low-fat-ice.html
Okay, I've realised why my stomach has been so bloated for no apparent reason. Period, started, today. Which, although isn't exactly thrilling, it means that my weight must be even lower than I thought (and I thought it was doing well!), I'm currently at 57.6kg. Wish me luck! [ha, now that I have more followers, maybe I'll get some luck ;)]
I had figure skating today! I'm improving SO much, I love it! And it's amazing exercise, you can burn up to 1000 calories an hour doing it. And I spend 1 1/4 skating. I managed to manage doing inside three turns, bunny hops & some weird backwards jumpy thing..  I realised doing some jumps how fast my heart was beating but it didn't feel very strenuous, except my muscles were feeling worked. I had to bake cupcakes today, in cafe class. We have to decorate them for an assignment.. does anyone have any cool ideas?? Oh btw - didn't eat any of the failcakes, gave em away. I also spent the day sipping apple cider vinegar diluted in my water bottle, it's REALLY appetite suppressing, every time I wanted some food I had a swig, and I suddenly didn't want any. I was SUPPOSED to have that job interview yesterday, but I didn't. It's apparently happening tomorrow instead, should be good. I LOVE health food stores, so much good interesting food. 
Intake:
Uncle Toby's Plus Fiber Lift Cereal + vanilla soy milk - 150
Mandarin - 30
Peanut butter + lime marmalade (best concoction ever!) on mega grain bread - 300
Nestle ForMe fat-free cheesecake flavoured yoghurt - 70
Eucalyptus drop, bite of toffee apple, gum - 30
Roast vegies - 300
= 880
coolies! I somehow thought it would be more.

A bunch of cool things :)

For attractive lips, speak words of kindness.

For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people.

For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry.

For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.

For poise, walk with the knowledge you'll never walk alone.

People, even more than things, have to be restored, renewed, revived,  reclaimed, and redeemed; Never throw out anybody.

Remember, If you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.

As you grow older, you will discover that you have two hands, one for helping yourself, the other for helping others.

The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the  figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman must be seen from in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides.

The beauty of a woman is not in a facial mole, but true beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It is the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows, and the beauty of a woman with passing years only grows!

- Sam Levenson

I rather like this poem, don't you?

• When placed in warm milk, raisins re-plump into grapes. (so trying this!)
• The metal backs of iPods are made from recycled zippers.
• Eskimos don't believe in bridges or tunnels.
• Every sixteen minutes, someone named Richard dies. (SO not naming my child Richard haha)
• Dolphins kill more people annually than sharks and influenza combined. (And now I'm scared of them)

• On a dare, former President Rutherford B. Hayes declared war on Chile for 17 minutes. (What a cool president!!)
• If you hold one nostril closed for 72 hours, you will slowly lose the ability to see color. (Your sight will instantly return to normal when you release your nostril.) (Might try it with a nose plug at some point)
• Wave a magnet at the lower left corner of a vending machine to receive a free soda. (Mmm.. free dietcoke)
• Winnie the Pooh started out as a non-fiction account of mental illness. (I would have LOVED to have read that version)
• Reading backwards for twenty minutes burns the same amount of calories as walking a half-mile. (GET READING PEOPLE)
• Revolving doors were first invented as a way to keep horses out of department stores.
• Clouds cannot travel south southwest.

My favourite interesting facts out of a bunch of cool ones I just read about!

And some lovely pictures of Audrey.

Redskins.. Running.. Jobs..

Ow, my teeth.

The boys made me do it.
They made me buy them redskins.
I love sugar. Oh dear I think I'm addicted. I had 6.
250 calories worth of sugar.
BUT it gave me a massive kick of energy, I'm so boring when I'm lacking energy, my brain stops being able to function any thoughts aside from 'how many calories in this?'.
Anyway - I have a job interview! WIN. At a health food store, my dad's friend owns. Coool cooool cool.
I'm reading a book about yoga and different positions, so gonna take it up. EVERY MORNING. ha, maybe one day. I actually used to do it every morning - those were the days.
OREOS are vegan! WHAT? No way! Yes way! ahhhhhhhh..
Not that I'm vegan - I'm sorta giving it up. I need the protein and it's hard to find vegan foods AND high protein low calorie foods, when I lose enough weight I will go back to it. But not for now.
I'm sipping a bottle of apple cider vinegar in water. My dad let me have his bottle of acv. Coolies, it speeds up metabolism and is proven to make pounds come off.
I had to RUN today in the freeeezing cold wind. Oh god it was horrid. PE - crazy PE. Ran like a kilometer? Suppose I should be happy.
Ummmmm boys are cool? They begged me to buy 16 redskins and then we divided them.
I would like you to take a moment to mourn the death of Elvis Presley, who died on this day in 1977.
I FEEL like I have a lot to say - but then I go to type and nothing much comes out.
Well anyway, intake:
Cereal (the usual) - 150
Bodywise bar - 110
Fat free apple pie flavour yoghurt - 70
mandarin - 30
tomato and cheese sandwich - 250
redskins - 250
half a muesli bar - 50
= 910.
Oh poo! Oh well, my metabolism will stay running this way - I've had soooo much sugar.
Dinner is yet to come, unfortunately I have no clue what is being served.
Oh well, guess I'll find out!
I'm going to buy a bag of lollipops and have one per day (50 calories).
Bye <3

Hobo hippie child.

"Ohkay, my blood sugar is feeling low so this post may be a bit.. hmmmm."

^^ Wrote that earlier, beginning a post, but soon realising that my brain was too dead for that shit.
I have now had my dinner and am feeling a little bit more functional but still am 'out of it'.
Lately I've become very interested in stuff. Wow, good choice of words @me..
When I was younger I would read books such as 'goosebumps' or 'the saddle club', you know? As I've gotten older I've read 'young adult fiction' or 'adult fiction' or 'romance' novels. But wow, MOST of those now bore me - what I've been reading now have been memoirs, biographies, studies, fact books and the likes. I just want to know EVERYTHING I can. I want to know why we're obsessed with being thin and NOT with being fat? Sounds like a ridiculous question yes, but think about - society used to ADORE fatties, it was a sign of wealth. I want to know about politics and history and health and yoga and EVERYTHING. I've just started following a bunch-load of new blogs, all anonymous (sorry, they won't show up on my 'following' list). They all seem pretty cool.

How adorable is this coffee? Makes me want coffee..

I have decided something.
I do NOT enjoy feeling sick and tired from lack of nutrition. I do NOT enjoy feeling guilty for eating an apple (seriously, it's a bit OTT). I do NOT enjoy being so superficial.
I just.. well it's just that I don't like thinking about this stuff ALL the time. I envy the way other people just EAT when hungry without having to calculate the calories and fat and add it all up before doing so. And I feel so superficial, I don't care what ANYONE else looks like - fat, thin, average. Who gives a shit? So why is it SO important to me how I look, it shouldn't be. I'll always care quite a bit, but I won't let it be the reason I'm living & I'm definitely going to be healthy + thin.
Ever felt guilt from eating an apple? I have. I just kind of realised how ridiculous that was.

Anyway - I'm in a good mood tonight! Even though that whole thing sounded depressed and stuff - trust me it's not. It's conveyed in a positive way. I love tea. TEA tea teeeeaaa tea. teat.atea.tea.tea..eat. aet. Tea! It's great. I currently have some peppermint tea. I had rehearsal today - ugh so boring and tiring and I hate the choreographer and it was a dance rehearsal - she is seriously incompetent. But our producer and director are awesome people and they make it so fun! I borrowed Dexter season 3 from a friend! Well actually it's that boy I went on said date with and yeah.. I'm looking very much forward to watching it. I also started reading a book titled ' the holocaust' - excited I am to read up on it! I bought this cooooool-as jumper yesterday from a vintage clothing sale. Did I mention this already? See I don't even know. I might be going to see WICKED the musical in Sydney! Ahhhhhh awesome. I'm so pumped.

I'm hun-ger-ee. I KNEW this would happen, see if I was in this mood at home, I would have gotten up and eaten straight after dinner for energy. But since I'm not at home, I do not! I set it up this way hahahaha. Sneakkkky. Anyway. I might have a mandarin - I'm hankering for one, and at 30 calories per mandarin, I think I'll be just fine. Intake today:
Uncle Toby's Plus Fiber Lift Cereal + vanilla soy milk - 150
Tomato & cheese sandwich on mega-grain bread - 200
ForMe no-fat cheesecake flavor yoghurt - 70
Roast vegies - 200
= 620
I don't even know how I managed that low. It's not even an effort today.
Seriously that bread is deeeeee-licious. I'm SO getting my mother to buy it when she gets back. (You get it at Brumby's Bakery). Oh and PARSNIPS - seriously, why does nobody eat parsnips? They're ah-mazing! And I just found out about this stuff called PB2, apparently it's powdered peanut butter and you add water and it makes like a very very low fat and low calorie (as in 50 cals for 2 tablespoons! in comparison to regular PB which is like 200 cals for that) peanut butter but still has plenty protein - sounds perfect! So much stuff to get when mother returns - here's my list:
Almond milk, mega-grain bread, bottled oolong tea, almond butter, PB2, shirataki noodles, bodywise muesli bars, uncle toby's plus cereal varieties.. :)

Today I'm dressed like a hippie / hobo / girlfriend who slept at boyfriend's house and grabbed the first large jumper she could find to compensate for lack of clean clothing / pajama wearing person..
I thought it was a good look ;) TBH I just didn't care, I was comfortable and that's all that mattered.

I'm sick of this plateau I'm stuck at! It's driving me nuts: 57, 58, 59, 58, 57, 59, 58.. OVER and over. Wish me luck!

I NEED to get back in to yoga - it makes me feel so GOOD. I just adore it. NOTE TO SELF* attend one of the 5 free yoga classes a week that my gym provides its members (ie: me).

Wow - just mushed a bunch of thoughts into a post. Anyway - if you read it all, congrats. If not - it's okay. You're forgived!

Sometimes I wish I could mesh all the good parts from each parent and discard the rest..

My dad is so contradictory towards himself.
So to summarize, my parents are split - always have been. I live with my mother, and I used to visit my dad on weekends, that has gradually deteriorated since I became a teenager, when I started going out every weekend night and day. And my papa doesn't seem to want to accept this fact, he's so overprotective in fact, that he has to watch PG movies with me in-case there's something 'inappropriate'. Need I say more?
Anyway, currently with my moma being overseas and all, and me living with my neighbours, he took this opportunity for me to spend the night. So last night I slept at my dad's house. The weird thing is that I can have a good conversation with him, he listens to me, and doesn't give a shit if I'm eating with my elbows on the table (unlike my always whining mother). Okay here's why he is so contradictory..
He is REALLY into eating 'healthy', he believes in eating only raw foods, drinking oolong / green tea everyday and even fasting for detoxification. He's against dairy products and processed foods and sugar, he's always reading me articles and showing me books about these things.
Yet, when he asks me to stay over, and I agree, he says to me - do you want me to buy you some foods and stuff? I replied no, and that I would eat before I come over. And when he picks me up he has a massive tub of ice-cream in tow, for me.
Luckily he also knows that I'm a mostly-vegan, and I told him that as to why I did not want any. Then he started cooking pasta for his own dinner and asks if I would also like some, but I said no and that I had already had dinner. STILL he cooks me a MASSIVE bowl - I'm serious my dad's portion sizes are like double regular (and when I say regular, I mean like, the average human). I politely refused. Good thing I had my will power in tow, because his cupboard is empty. Completely and utterly empty - devoid of reasonable food. Here is exactly what he has - butter, ketchup, ice-cream, chocolate Bavarian, nutella, iced coffee, 2 minute noodles, pasta, toffees.. and broccoli.. oh and some oats. That's is. I swear. Perfect for binge-mode, not so perfect for perfect mode. Oh he's got some oolong tea as well. Which I promptly made a massive pot of :)
But luckily he listens to me, we're gonna go grocery shopping and get some good stuff. Almond milk included. So almond milk should be good considering it's got 1g of protein and 1g of fiber per serve and oh how about 40 calories a glass? Yay for almond milk. And apparently soy makes you fat 0_o.. Hmm.....
Understand that my father is really strange okay? He has thousands of books in his garage.. He bought them for like 2 cents each. And he gave me a few books which he thinks will be beneficial to me. The Tao of Detox, 2 yoga books, a book on apple cider vinegar and a book about raw food cooking. Coolies.
Yesterday's intake:

fiber lift cereal + vanilla soy - 150

nofat 'sticky date' yoghurt - 68

pasta & sauce - 400

= 618

maaaaaadddddddd. :)

Ciao! <3

I can do this.

I've woken up with a new sort of motivation - last night I stayed up doing leg lifts and sit ups, in hopes of silently working off the pizza. I don't know how much difference it made. LUCKILY I don't weigh much more this morning than I did before the pizza. So I guess that's alright. So I woke up at 8am and I spent all morning doing leg lefts, balancing on one leg, sit ups, stretching. I watched the news channel and read while doing this, and I didn't properly sit down and relax until just now, at 11am. I'm going (walking.. meaning a 50 minute walk.. meaning at least 300 calories burnt) into town soon, to protest for gay rights - should be fun! I've had SO many cups of tea, like one every half hour.. so that's like 6 cups so far and everytime I get a cup of tea I also get a glass of ice water. I ate breakfast - 150 calories, I'm okay with that, for one thing there's nothing I can do, and for another thing - it get's my metabolism going for the day. I plan on skipping lunch as I'm going out so won't be expected to eat at home and I will have whatever I'm fed, hopefully something light! I just just just want this so bad and I'm glad. I need this, and I'm sick of doing this the 'healthy' way. I'm going to remain relatively healthy - eating good amounts of fiber, protein.. low carbs.. but keeping it LOW calorie as I can.
I can do this.
I will do this.
hmmmmmm pshyeah :)
<3

Quotes

• No man in the world has more courage than the man who can stop after eating one peanut. ~Channing Pollock
• Great eaters and great sleepers are incapable of anything else that is great. ~Henry IV of France
• Eat little, sleep sound. ~Iranian Proverb
• If we're not willing to settle for junk living, we certainly shouldn't settle for junk food. ~Sally Edwards
• The breakfast slimes, angel food cake, doughnuts and coffee, white bread and gravy cannot build an enduring nation. ~Martin H. Fischer
• Did you ever stop to taste a carrot? Not just eat it, but taste it? You can't taste the beauty and energy of the earth in a Twinkie. ~Astrid Alauda
• Plant a radish, get a radish, never any doubt. That's why I love vegetables, you know what they're about!
• Tell me what you eat, I'll tell you who you are. ~Anthelme Brillat-Savarin
• The more you eat, the less flavor; the less you eat, the more flavor. ~Chinese Proverb
• In general, mankind, since the improvement in cookery, eats twice as much as nature requires. ~Benjamin Franklin
• He that eats till he is sick must fast till he is well. ~English Proverb
• When it comes to eating right and exercising, there is no "I'll start tomorrow." Tomorrow is disease. ~Terri Guillemets

These are a bunch of quotes that were posted by someone cool on some cool forum :)

They're stuff I've never heard before, new things, thought I'd share!

And some pics..

I HATE PIZZA

yahearthat? I HATE IT. :( :( :(
I just ate like 1000 unavoidable calories in pizza and garlic bread. Why is it assumed that I'll be needing a whole small pizza to myself, I would have been fine with 2 slices.
SO my total is like 2000.
I hate that number. With a passion.
I've learnt something, I may just have to deal with the calories I'm being fed, and not count them because there's nothing I can do....
Who am I kidding? I'd go nuts not counting.
2000
2000
2000
2000
2000
Who even invented that number as the recommended caloric intake? Some crackpot.
Okay gimme a sec to do some math...
1100 calories.
Killme? No what?
Sorry I've just been freaking for like 2 hours now - in my head.

pizzzzza night, oh no.

uuuuuuuugh...........
hmmmmmm..........
ughhhhhhgh...........
bowl of high fiber cereal and vanilla soy milk - 150
peanut butter and jam on roll - 350
date roll - 150
apple - 70
mentos - 50
2x cupcakes - 120
1/2 cup porridge - 70
lollipop - 30
= 990
and the day is not over, dinner awaits me.
:(
i don't enjoy this 'eating normally' thing. I was totally at ma friend's and she had baked cupcakes and they were delicious, damn her... damn damn double damn her. No i love love love her.
have you SEEN the ingredients for mentos? it freaks me out.. sugar, corn syrup, hydrogenated coconut oil. that's the first three ingredients, awesome....
FUCK, just remembered, tonight's pizza night! :( :( :(
but luckily my other days won't be so bad! I've got a plan in my head!
high fiber cereal and vanilla soy - 150
pb & j sandwich (on just regular bread) - 300
nofat yoghurt - 70
apple - 70
= 590
+ whatever they serve me for dinner, which hopefully isn't toooooo bad!
coolies, that's totally like maybe even under 1000? depending on dinnnnnnner.
I CAN MAKE THIS WORK..
I um, did a bit of exercise today.. FOR ONCE in pe, we did like sprinting, so we ran like 600 metres in total, not massive amount, but eh - better than nothing. Then a crap lot of walking after school to go to friend's places / what not.. unfortunately said friend is into baking!
anywho, I'm going to a gay rights protest tomorrow!!! yay me! and also i'm going to a refugee rights protest too! haaha i'm so.. cool right? nah. anywho, luck to anyone reading who needs it!

Pasta pasta everywhere..

POTATOES. I totally ate roast potato, WILD I know. I can't help it though, I don't have hardly any say over the food I eat for the next two weeks, which in some ways is good and some bad. I realised just how un-normal my eating habits are today, when we went grocery shopping, normally my shopping list would be something like..                                nofat yoghurt, seaweed, fruit, carrots, lite soy milk... yeah. And we bought things like crackers, cereal, bread, fruit and veg, pasta sauce, chocolate, muesli bars. I had PASTA for dinner tonight, I don't even know the last time pasta was a regular meal for me. Another thing that is good about this is portion control, I feel rude asking for more food, or just going into the cupboard and getting some, so even if I'm hungry and wanting it, I don't. The things that worry me is my lack of choice on the matters of what goes into my mouth, I do however have some choice - I got to choose which cereal, bread and snacks I'll be eating. Fruit and nofat yoghurt for snacks (sticky date, vanilla and apple pie flavour, yum!)...
Anywho.. intake today!
weet bix with vanilla soy milk - 137
mandarin - 30
apple - 70
nofat mango yoghurt - 70
muesli bar - 120
pasta - 300
piece of choc - 50
= 757
I thought it was good! :)

Pro-Skater!

Ahmmmm! terrrrible again! I was alright ALLDAY - 750 by like 5pm, but I came home from skating and mother had made a laksa and bought chocolate.
So... intake.
2 apples - 140
kiwi fruit - 30
mandarin - 30
carrot - 20
fruit and nut bar - 180
lollies - 100
vege chips - 100
laksa - 400
choc - 250
= 1250
ha, that ain't so bad! :)
I need to get back on track!! I feel myself slipping off and it's no good at all!
Some days I'm totally OBSESSED with calories, every single thought is calories this, calories that - how many am i burning doing this, how many am i eating now?? And some days I don't stress too much. I've realised some weird things, the fact that I can control myself really easily. Fuck it's hard to explain..
In other news!
I had figure skating today and I finally managed this turn that took me forever to get! Wooo! I was sweating after (haha yeah on ice), so I feel it was a good workout (1 hour). I was so proud of myself when I did the turn, I did it over and over again, to make sure I could still do it. Luckily it wasn't just a fluke!
Uh - yeah anyway. Gotta run.
Bye :)

PANCAKES GINGERBREAD..................

Hun-ger-ree.
^^
That's me.
Hmmmm. I'm at like 1300 calories. TOTALLY not my plan - but I was ever so hungry. And besides. that still fits in with my other days. And it's still a loss! So hey - it's alright. Fall over - get up again!

*Leaves and gets cereal*

hahahaha i'm such a fail. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh well. I'm just not gonna go too high. I still feel RAVENOUS.
I have this thing - when I binge I'm still VERY selective about what I eat. NO butter or oil - I can't deal with that. And no sugar.

BYE

An explanation on my plan.

I never posted about this.. but I thought I'd explain.
I don't own a scale, the only time I get to weigh myself is at my next door neighbor's house, in their bathroom.
I do however own a mirror and a set a of eyes. And I LOOK thinner, I can definitely see it. Lately My stomach has been flatter. Yesterday at the gym I was doing resistance, and my ribs were ANNOYING me by sticking in to me, that's not the norm for me, so I'm happy. This diet that I'm currently on is working really well, it's consistent and steady and I don't binge at all or even go over. I've been going about 500-800 one day and every other day is 1000-1200, it's to keep my metabolism from shutting down, and to keep me from being too hungry. Although I am hungry all the time now, but not in a way that is bothering me.. It's like background noise, I can't really hear it but I know it's there. I actually enjoy it, I don't want to be satisfied - what if I get comfortable with that?? And I do better on my 500 days knowing that tomorrow I am allowed to eat more, but then on the next day I find I don't even want to - but know that I SHOULD to keep a) my metabolism running and b) from binging. I also make sure that I balance out my meals with protein, fiber and carbs; I try and get not too much fat but I don't completely avoid it. I also avoid sugar because it messes with your blood sugar and makes you want MORE sugar, which obviously doesn't help much. Lately I've been drinking lemon juice and ginger in hot water in the morning before I eat ANYTHING.. I used to do it with cold water - but I find hot water makes me feel better.. And it also makes my stomach feel kinda funny so that I don't want food so that is helping a lot! And then I take a multi vitamin - although technically you should take them at night so that they have time to process through your system slowly, I just haven't gotten to it yet. Anyway.. Lately I can feel my ribs poking out and my hip bones more. I'm happy about this! :)

Intake for today:
Porridge with chia and 30 raspberries - 250
kiwi fruit - 50
pita pizza (no cheese) - 150
fat free yoghurt - 70
mandarin - 30
porridge - 150
pasta thing - 300
smoothie - 50
= 1050
Yeah! What I wanted! :) There's some smoothie left over, perhaps I'll have some more.
I made it with a bunch of raspberries (30), some peach slices (20), mango slices (40) and like 1/3 cup lite soy milk (20). = 110 and it made like 2 1/2 glasses. Equals 44 cals a glass! :)
So IF negative calories are true, then dude.. That's like a 0 calories smoothie. But I'm a bit skeptical about them, But still - under 100 per glass definitely.
I had rehearsal today and this guy there kept TOUCHING me, ugh. He has no idea what personal space - it's  fucking annoying. Oh, and that guy that I was texting? He won't STOP texting me - even when I don't reply. It's kinda annoying me.
Anyway - Ciao!

*Update* Had some nutrigrain, 150. :)