It's been a while.

I haven't posted in a fricking while, wow. Sorry.. I just haven't had much to say. And I've been so busy and stressed.
Okay this is exactly how I feel: I want to sit down for a day, have no one call me or talk to me. Have no thoughts, no pains, no responsibilities. Just relax. I've been so stressed..
Mumma dearest is BACK. We just went grocery shopping, picked up some cool shit, my favourites new thing being.......... Pomengranate white tea - 70 calories for the bottle! AND sesame snaps mini pack - 50 cals each pack.. Coooolies. Oh and I found these baby food pouches that are delicious and 50 calories in one. Perfect! Oh and I got two new books: A Clockwork Orange & One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest.
I also watched The Exorcism of Emily Rose and The Blair Witch Project with a friend, that was really good.
My head is like going ow ow ow. I think it hates me - because of late I've been kind to it with nutrients and water! I baked banana bread, like fucking health banana bread. It's got no fat or sugar, and dairy free. It's got oats, honey, bananas, chia seeds, applesauce, walnuts, high fiber soymilk and flour. That's it - yet it tastes amazing. I must bake more! Yay, but I think I'll add some dates.. Or blueberries. I almost got stonedon friday, but was like - nah... I won't coz I had to go home anyway.
I don't think that I want to be so self centered anymore. It's ridiculous, and I thought I was better than that. I spent friday night at my father's house, we got into a fight about my freedom after he had a spazz about me watching Dexter because apparently it's too violent for me.
I used to be so........ Oh my gosh. I wish I could explain my brain. But I can't. There's too much that I'm thinking but it's so difficult to tell. I just am forever fighting to be happy, and it sorta feels like happiness should come without effort. And every time I'm happy I'm just worried about how long that will last.
Have you ever worried that you might eat too much and die? Like, your body won't know what to do with the food and will just die? Your stomach can hold 4 liters of food, what if you ate more?? Some girl died from that.. she ate 5.6 liters of food before her stomach ruptured. She had anorexia and was binging. Sometimes I'm worried that I'm going to damage my organs from too much food.
I wish ever so much that I was a cat, they have the best lives. They just laze around and get fed and patted and stuff. AND they have 9 lives.
I've switched to oat milk, apparently soymilk has weird hormones in it that can make you fat, so my point is that this morning I had it with my weet bix, and boy was that weird. IT was like a mix between porridge and weet bix. I found some old photos of my father / brother, they are really lovely pictures. I think I'm allergic to something, I've been getting this thing where my stomach bloats out heaps and it's really really painful. I've had it recently a few times, maybe it's lactose intolerance from being vegan. In fact I've had it all day, and now I'm drinking peppermint tea to calm my stomach. I'm going to this crazy rave festival soon, it's called Dragon Dreaming, I am so excited!
Hmm.. You don't even know.
O_o