Fatter?

Fuck man.
I literally feel fatter. I haven't weighed myself for at least 2 weeks..
I know that I am probably not, but I feel fatter.
So today I stopped counting, it got too much for me to bare. My estimate would be about 2500 calories. That is what I'm apparently supposed to have for a day. But the day is not over. I'm sleeping at a friend's house tonight, and her mother is cooking me dinner.
I can not avoid. I can not not eat.
I miss the feeling of not having food in my stomach.. It's such a nice comforting feeling. I've grown to love slightly blacking out.. Soon, I can NOT wait until my mother works all day and I don't eat all day.. If I can avoid breakfast tomorrow, I will. I daresay I won't be able to though considering I'll be at her house.
I WANT to exercise, I do. But I haven't found the time.