The war in my head.

I know that my body needs a break, I can feel the strain that I put on it with the lack of food then the weird binges.. which to a normal person wouldn't be THAT much food(on my binge), but to my stomach, and to my mind is ALOT.

I don't want to eat tomorrow, I really don't.

But I know I should, to maintain some sort of normality..

I can't look at food the same anymore, ever.

I look at it and I have to calculate each calorie in it.

I won't eat it unless I read the packaging first.

But seriously, people eat SO much crap crap crapola.

Today, this chick who's a bit fat (but considered "normal") bought 3 hashbrowns and a donut for lunch. I'm guessing the hash browns were about 150 cals each.

And I read the donut label, 500 cals for the whole thing.

Um, 950 calorie lunch. I wouldn't eat that in a regular whole day.. and it was just EMPTY calories.

Oh dear god I hate empty calories with a passion, they make me angry and hungry which usually makes me more angry.

She could have had like; a peanut butter sandwich, a muesli bar, a punnet of strawberries, a cup of tea (with milk and honey), a packet of instant noodles and a small packet of potato chips for exactly the same calories.

Maybe I'll just have a little bit tomorrow... I don't fricking know.

I think I had like 1800 today, which normally I would be freaking out about ALOT, but I've been dancing all day and I DID actually stop myself and think "am I hungry??" and then I did something amazing, I put the food AWAY.

SHIT richie..

QUOTE: "We all start out life governed by desires and impulses. Unlike the habits, which are passive but lasting conditions, desires and impulses are passive and momentary, but they are very strong. Listen to a child who can’t live without some object of appetite or greed, or who makes you think you are a murderer if you try to leave her alone in a dark room. How can such powerful influences be overcome? To expect a child to let go of the desire or fear that grips her may seem as hopeless as Aristotle’s example of training a stone to fall upward, were it not for the fact that we all know that we have somehow, for the most part, broken the power of these tyrannical feelings. We don’t expel them altogether, but we do get the upper hand; an adult who has temper tantrums like those of a two-year old has to live in an institution, and not in the adult world. But the impulses and desires don’t weaken; it is rather the case that we get stronger."

Shorter choice of quote: "Anyone can have inner beauty. But very few can earn real beauty, inside as well as out."